Are you afraid that you are with the wrong person or in the wrong relationship?
How do you evaluate if you are in the right relationship?
Do you trust your gut instinct and go with the feelings in your heart? This is the romantic option and will not often get it wrong.
However, I don’t like the idea of deciding your future based on feelings alone without some logic and reason…
You could ask all of your friends for their opinion and take the average census to base your life upon. I promise you they will have plenty to say… The problem with that one is that no one else knows you like you do and they will each have their own built-in evaluations based on what they want out of life.
What I do with my clients who are making relationship choices and life choices is to, first of all, take a step back, get them to take the emotion out of it and to draw on their values.
Your values are who you are at the core, what you are made up of and the things you have in your life that you could not live without. For example, your values might be generosity, or humour, being close to nature, spontaneity, growth, connection, easiness, certainty…
The exercise I am suggesting will help you work out if you are with the right person and give you more confidence and ease to go forward. Start by writing a list of your values and then mark them in order from one to ten so that you come out with your top four values. These really are the non-negotiable values that you must have in your wold in order for you to fully function as you.
Now go through each of your values with a tick or a cross and see if being with your partner honours or dishonours each value, especially the top ones! For example, when I am with my partner do I experience spontaneity? yes or no. Now, this is not scientific but it is a foolproof way of making sure you are on the right track and in the right relationship. It’s great if your top values are MOSTLY met and it’s a bonus if some of the rest are too.
Of course, you can decide to be with someone whose values do not match yours but then be aware that you will be wanting to do different things and be working at a different pace. As long as you know and understand that it’s a values thing and not just your partner being uncooperative then you stand a far better chance of making it a success.
So, take out your notepad and pen and start listing down your values, ranking them in order of importance, then do a bit of a compare and contrast. I hope that this exercise gives you the peace of mind you are looking for. To work through your values and how to get more out of them please contact us for a one to one personal coaching session!
In a relationship, you are not looking for someone identical to you but you are looking for someone with whom you are compatible.
Look forward to hearing from you