Why did you get ghosted?
For those of you who are not familiar with the term ‘ghosting’, it means that someone you have been chatting to just disappears from your life, never to be heard from again.
Today I am going to share my insights and first hand experience of ghosting and being ghosted!If you have been dating someone or even just speaking on line and you think everything is going just fine, it is often the case that the other person is having a different experience entirely. They may have come to the conclusion that they just dont want to take it any further and they dont have the balls to say so, therefore they may just leave.
What I mean by leave, is disappear, stop messaging, calling and having any kind of contact with you and they may in addition block you. Now if this has happened to you I know how upsetting and confusing it can be and how you are desperate to find out exactly what happened, or what you think you did wrong.
In my professional experience and in my personal experience, its nothing you have done wrong, and you are very unlikely to have said or done anything offensive at all. Yet this does not stop that person deciding on their own that they just dont want to continue the communication, and they will have their reasons that will be justifiable, to them.
The mistake is to feel like you have done something wrong or bad or to come to the conclusion that you are not datable, lovable, desirable, or worthy of explanation. This is of course untrue, and just your mind going into overdrive and instantly choosing to blame yourself. You see relationships are complicated and we dont really know what is going on for the person on the receiving end of our communications, unless we are lucky enough to be in a long term committed and health relationship.
Ghosting someone is a very cowardly way of avoiding any confrontation or explanation and if you have had this happen to you, you should be thanking your lucky stars that the person showed you who they are. If you find that you have been ghosted, before you start blaming yourself, please take a look on the other side of the fence first. What on earth has gone on for this person who you thought was a lovely, normal human being, to suddenly ‘disappear’ on you?
There could be a number of explanations, the first on my list would be cowardly. The person is just not brave enough to tell you what they are feeling or that they don’t think you are comparable because something that they are specifically looking for does not match with you. Second is that something may have happened and they may have some mental health problems which makes them unable to communicate. They could be scared, confused or yes just rude!
Please note that none of the above explanations mean anything about you, as its entirely the behaviour and choice of the other person, do NOT blame yourself. A very wise teacher once said, people show you who they are and its up to you to believe them! To me this is not something to be ignored and if you are shown and choose to ignore it then please be open to it happening again.
With that said, there are lots of lovely normal well adjusted people out there looking for relationships who will not disappear on you, its your job to go find them!
To get one to one guidance on what you should be looking for in a partner and how to attract them into your life please do book your coaching session with me below;
London based life management coach
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