Want to control your emotions on a date?!
Inside out dating
Over the weekend I went to see the new kids movie Inside Out. I went reluctantly as an escort to my daughter and her group of friends. What I did not expect was to be inspired by this clever and thoughtful animation showing just how complex our emotions are.
It seems we are ruled by five main emotions; happy, sad, fear, disgust, anger. These emotions are battling away to see who will be leading at any given moment. As humans, we switch very quickly between the emotions that can be triggered so easily. This explains why one minute we are floating on cloud nine and the next we are overcome with fear or anger
Now you are expected to handle your own emotions and take on new persons too! It’s no wonder we are all so baffled with the difficulties of dating and finding a soul mate. What would it be like if you could do inside out dating? Where you get a glimpse of what’s going on for yourself and the person you are meeting.
For example, you meet a guy or girl for the first time, you have a reaction to them, forming some kind of decision about them based on first glance or the first hello. Noticing the emotion you are leading with could be so useful in moving things forward productively, let me show you how;
Let’s say you have gone straight to fear, you are thinking, ‘I’m scared I’ll get rejected’, or’ this person won’t accept me once they know me’. With this emotion leading you, give yourself permission to give up at the first hurdle, you make yourself feel bad and get to stay single and right about your current state.
Turn this emotion around and imagine you are leading with joy. You look at the person in front of you and focus on what’s good here, their smile, how nice their eyes are, what you might want to share with this person, the friendship that could develop. Now you have the possibility and learning how to bring out the best in each other.
In the film, the girl’s reactions were controlled by a console run by her emotions. They got to call the shots and decide which emotion to let in at any moment. The great news is that in real life you get to control your emotions and choose which one to lead with.
As a coach, my role is to help and guide you to choose positive and useful emotions that will get you more of what you want. We even do a bit of reprogramming and change the picture so that you have more good memories than bad.
Wouldn’t it be useful in dating to put your positive emotions out there for longer, who knows where this might lead?
My request for you this week is that you take notice of the emotions that come up for you and that you choose which ones you want to lead with. Pick joy, appreciation or love and spend a day with each emotion.
Let me know what works for you!