‘I am’ versus ‘I should be’

This weekend I have been thinking about the difference between “I am” and “I should”.  When you accept your reality notice how it feels, take a breath and sit with your own current reality today.  A personal example; I am working towards getting my book written verses, ‘I should have my book written.’

There is a definite criticism in the ’I should’, and when we tell ourselves this it feels unloving and punishing, like a little child being told off by a parent.

How about this one, the reality, ‘I am single’, verses a thought, ‘I should be in a relationship’.    What do you feel when you tell yourself the second one?  Is it motivating or demotivating, which thought is more loving and nurturing?

My seven-year-old son responds so much better to reward and encouragement than punishment.  In the past I may have said something like, ‘you just cant entertain yourself’’.  This was like a self-fulfilling prophecy, it became his and mine reality.  It lead to a lot of pain and misery.

Having taken some professional parenting tips I am trying to embrace the boy he is rather than the one he is not, so today I might say to myself, ‘he is not great at entertaining himself right now, lets work with that and help him.’  I have accepted his reality and the reality that I have a son who does not always know how to entertain himself!  This one little thought has changed out whole relationship and improved the way we react to each other.  I am no longer making him wrong for not being the way I think he ‘should be’.

Ask yourself, what is something you can accept right now about your own reality?  Where are you putting in ‘shoulds?’ and who would you be without that thought?

Make peace with where you are now, knowing that it is perfect for you in this very moment.

Wishing you a loving and peaceful week

Jo Barnett Personal and Dating Coach