How come the guys I fancy never ask me out and the ones I don’t want never go away!?

In my years of dating coaching men and women I see that women suffer from this problem over and over again.

Here I will share with you some simple yet highly effective strategies to help you attract and connect with all men.

When you like a guy you clam up and get nervous, this means that he does not see your authentic gorgous self.  Yet when you are around the guy who you are not interested in you are joking around, smiling, being goofy and all the other lovely things that make you such fun to be around.

If you can learn to reverse the pattern you will be able to attract all men, especially the ones you like.

There are three steps to reversing the pattern and this is where your work begins ladies;


Your Thoughts

Instead of thinking, ‘he is so gorgeous how am I doing? How do I get him to fancy me, be funny enough, attractive enough etc….

Whilst you are thinking all of these your personality has frozen up and what he will see is a pretty face with a rather anxious dry personality that he feels uncomfortable around.  He can energetically pick up on your nerves and this puts him on edge.


The Vision


What you are seeing is this god in front of you who you have made into this perfect human being, whose affection you have become desperate to win.

What you should be seeing is s stripped back version, if it helps take the clothes away and see the human being in a normal body with normal functions and feelings.  He is no better than you and may or may not be your equal.

He wants to laugh, cry, cuddle and watch Netflix just as you do!

This is what you want to do as soon as you spot a guy who you like.

Imagine him as your friend as this is how all relationships start in any case.  You need to banter with each other in a fun way, take away his halo and get on with getting to know your new best friend!



You are going to become proficient in looking at this guy as you would the guy who you are not lusting after.  With total disinterest!

Once you can begin to feel natural and behave as you normally would with your best friend you will be a magnet for attracting him.

You won’t leave the room when he does, or go to the bar to find him, you won’t be scanning the room or sucking in your stomach.

Instead your actions will be as they would if he did not exist.  You will be taking care or your needs.  Heading to the bar when you are thirsty and doing exactly what you want to do as if he were not there.

The action is compulsory, no use having vision and thought alone, you must back this up with your actions and carry on about your business as usual.

Of course this involves your natural smile, laughter, and the charms of your personality.

The above strategy is something for you to put into action immediately and get out practicing with all guys.  Each time you make a new connection or find yourself chatting to the guy of your dreams, remember to picture him as your best friend and allow yourself to strip back the halo, the nerves, take a deep breath and enjoy being the best of you.


I am here for all your one to one coaching sessions to take you forward on your journey.

 Also available for talks and seminars.


Jo Barnett

Dating and relationship Coach









Dating coaching

Life Coach

London based

help with love life

help with relationships