The feedback tool that can make or brake your relationship

How great would it be if you had the tools to turn your relationship from satisfactory to fulfilling overnight?

It really is easy if you have the right tools, and today I want to share with you the feedback tool.

People in relationships will go through frustrations with each other, you want something for the other person, you want them to grow and be their best, but you don’t know how to express this and so it comes out as criticism.  From your experiences you will know that as soon as you hear criticism, you get defence and switch off, therefore no one gets to feel good and in fact both parties feel worse about themselves.

People don’t criticise for no reason and if someone is criticising you, there may well be a lesson to be learnt, and we can only learn it if its delivered in a loving way.  There IS another way, take a moment to PAUSE before you dish out the criticism or feedback.

As soon as you have PAUSED, check in to see if these three conditions are true;

  1. You must know he or she will listen to what you are saying
  2. You must genuinely love the other person
  3. Your feedback/ criticism must be true

Relationships deteriorate because people don’t pause and ask themselves anything before they launch in and attack, causing anger and resentment.  It takes a big effort and a lot of RESTRICTION to hold your tongue and pause for thought, and the more you practice it the better you will feel and the richer your relationships.

To have the relationship you want you need to model it yourself, and even though it may feel like it’s not taken on board, over time it will be transformative to you and your loved ones.

An alternative tool to blurting out our feedback is LISTENING.  There is no greater gift to give someone than pure and simple listening with your full attention.  The next time your loved one wants to rant about a problem or just talk, consciously take time to listen without judgment or criticism, notice their expression, their emotions and simply be with them.

Today I have shared my learnings with you on pausing before jumping in and criticising and the other skill of listening whole heartedly.  These learnings come from many sources, I came across them in Kabala, the spiritual and ancient learnings from Judaism which continues to inspire me.

Have a great day!

Jo Barnett

Relationship and Breakthrough Coach

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