Sullen husband

Why it is so hard to let go of your ex, top three tips to help you move on…

Why is letting go so hard?

Lately, I have found myself moving on from a relationship that really meant something to me, I am also coaching clients going through the same thing.

This is why I am so passionate about helping people understand and process their feelings so that they can move on, feel at peace and practice loving kindness to themselves.

Letting go of a loved one is painful, and why wouldn’t it be?  If you are emotional, have a heart and want to build a future with someone, you have had hopes and dreams, pictured your partner in that dream and the hardest part is saying goodbye.


When do you know it’s time to let go and say goodbye? 

There is an easy way to get this answer and it can only come from you and this very important question you must ask yourself.

‘Is there heart in this relationship?’, the question you are asking yourself is if you feel love for the person.  When there is no heart left in the relationship and the person/relationship is not bringing you joy anymore you can be sure that it is at its end and its time to move on and let go.

The best barometer for checking in with love and asking yourself if you are ready to leave is to simply put your hand on your heart and picture the person, what feelings are coming up for you, is it love? Is it fear? Is there a lovely warm sensation of ease or is there stress and uncertainty?

Your body never lies and your truth is in your heart and your soul, take time to connect and listen to your gut.

So why do we feel so much pain when we let a loved one go?

First, we are letting go of a little part of ourselves, the person that we were when we were with them, the good times that were shared and all the lovely memories that are etched in our mind and our heart.

How about holding those memories with love and not beating yourself up that you have to let go of all the good.  You absolutely do not, those good memories are now part of you, as you helped create them and you will be forever grateful for those memories.  Even though it feels sad right now, the person that you loved helped shape a part of your life that meant something and that is not to be forgotten or dismissed.

What about when we are left with anger?

Letting go of anger, this step allows you to forgive yourself and your partner for the relationship not being able to continue to the next level. Forgive your partner for not being the person you wanted them to be.  With all the will in the world, two souls have to come together at the right time to connect and they must share the same energy and desire for the world.

Acceptance and trusting the universe

If it was meant to be it will be, the universe is in control and you are not. This is a very powerful thought to take on board, when people ask me why it didn’t work out with their partner and why with and are struggling with the end result, I say that if it was meant to be it would be.   That is the very basic law of attraction and once you start to fight against what is then you are immediately in pain.  By seeing and accepting what is in front of you, where you are today, you can slowly move forward.

Be Kind to yourself

Time really is a healer and there is no short cut to experiencing all the stages of emotions that you will go through after and during a break-up. If you are kind to yourself and send loving thoughts to yourself you will eventually come to acceptance and that is where peace and healing lie.

Invest in the company of good people and friends/family, even if you don’t feel like it, it will help you get through this challenging time.  Talking things through with people you know will help you process what’s going on.

Trust yourself!

Beware of the opponent, the part of you that always questions your decisions, this voice wants to doubt your designs.  If you made a heart-based decision that felt right for you over a period of time if you know that you tried your best then know that the ending came from a sacred place, it was and is the right decision for you then and it is now.

Why do we beat ourselves up?

We beat ourselves up and question ourselves because of fear.  Fear that maybe we will be on our own forever, that no one better will come along, and the opponent tricks us into believing we have lost something that was good for us and even right for us.

Again, how do you know it’s not right for you?  Go back over the previous steps;

  • You made an informed decision based on your heart and your gut instinct which is always true.
  • You have good people around you telling you that you did the right thing!
  • Trust the universe that where you are is exactly where you are meant to be so if you are not with your ex it is for a reason, you are not meant to be!

I wish you love and peace with your journey, be gentle and kind with yourself and also honest, trust in the process and have patience with the universe to bring you the next beginning after this ending.

If you would like one to one support on getting over a break-up or managing a relationship then book your coaching session here;

See you on the other side!

Jo Barnett Dating Coach/ Relationship Expert

Couples Coach