Keeping a relationship alive and healthy is a conscious decision that takes work and dedication on both parts. There are lots of different skills needed and much to do for yourself as well as your partner.
For example, you are either in a long-term relationship or a marriage and you find yourself feeling dissatisfied and overwhelmed with that nagging voice that tells you something is not right. You are spot on, something is wrong, something is missing and this is not necessarily to do with your partner.
Let’s first start with you, being honest and taking a good look at your life as it is today, how satisfied with your own personal development would you rate yourself out of ten. Take score on your work life, your friendships, how you are growing yourself, what hobbies you are enjoying, how much you do the things that light you up and bring fun into your life? What goals are you working towards?
If the above is a pretty low score then you are running the relationship with an empty tank and this is the first issue we will look at working on to improve. A person cannot make you happy, it is your job to make you happy and run your life. A partner is the icing on the cake and the mistake we make is that once we find our person not only do we allow them to steer our boat, we hand over the happiness and fulfilment key to them!
Imagine handing over the steering wheel to a child or any passenger while you are driving your car, how would that feel for you? So why do that in your relationships?
Once we have looked at ourselves it is then time to look at the relationship with your partner. If something is not working and you keep doing the same thing to try and fix it guess what will happen, absolutely nothing. In addition, you will get tired of the effort you are putting in to try and make it work and eventually want to walk away and give up.
The first sign of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you think you have tried EVERYTHING then reach out and ask a professional or a mentor and try something you have never done before, in fact, do the opposite of what you have done in the past.
If you argue about not spending enough time together then block out a week just to be the two of you and go somewhere you won’t be disturbed, turn your phones off, take action!
Complacency and boredom have set in and you feel that the relationship is dead or not going anywhere, think outside the box. Surprise your partner with concert tickets, make them their favourite meal with candles and music, dress up for them and tell them to dress up. Book two tickets to Paris and surprise them having organised it with the family. Put energy into solutions rather than talking about the problems.
Often people stop communicating and people stop lovemaking, or caring and asking how each other feel. This is a massive part in a breakdown of a relationship, you must find out your partners love language, how they communicate and like to be communicated with.
For example, does your partner show their love by gifts, words, or actions? Pay close attention and when you know what their love language is give it back to them and keep doing it. If their love language is gifts then turn up with a gift every now and then, something personal that you know they would love to receive, have it wrapped beautifully so they feel you have taken the time and thought.
If their language is words of affirmation, tell them how special they are to you and how proud of them you are for doing so well in their job or project. Thank them for doing that job around the house and give them a big kiss to show your appreciation.
I have shared just a few tips with you and given you some tools that you can take away today and put straight into action. Pick something that you have never done and keep doing it until it becomes second nature. In relationships, we don’t give to receive however what goes around comes around in time.
To speak to me about one to one couples coaching either on skype or face to face do get in touch and we can book you in for a complimentary phone consultation.